I am in a place where major life decisions are sort of throwing themselves at me. As a non-confrontational, indecisive type person who is also a dreamer, this has become increasingly disturbing to me over the past few weeks.
Of course, these things are never black and white. The list of possible consequences (good and bad) of each decision stretches out so far that it exhausts me. And when faced with these possibly life-altering decisions, there’s never a Choice A or Choice B. It’s more like Choice A, and/or Choice B, plus Choice C, which is doing nothing, or Choices A and B PLUS these extra things over here, or maybe even Choices A and B, modified a little until they’re something altogether unrecognizable. Do you understand where I’m going with this? This stuff is HARD.
How does anyone make major life decisions when the consequences ultimately are unknowable? I mean, do we ever really know what we’ll be doing in five years? In case you answered yes, the answer is no, no you don’t. Liar. Faced with this very scary thought, how do you convince yourself to keep moving forward, instead of staying right where you are?
I’m a pros-and-cons list type of gal, so that’s generally my M.O. But inevitably, I quickly realize that my list is useless because some of the cons are heavier, or “worth more” than the pros, or vice-versa. Many times, I’ve already made up my mind (though sometimes I don’t see that until it’s all over). I have to ask you, dear reader: is this normal?
Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that, like the rock-paper-scissors game, there’s really no good strategic move that I can make because the outcome of the game is not in my control. In fact, the only thing I can do to ensure an outcome is to not play at all (in which case, I lose). Life decisions are a special kind of terrifying because it’s me, against, well, the entire universe. What am I going to throw out?
I’m sorry this post was so full of questions, but so am I at the moment. I’ve got a couple more for you: have you made a life-altering decision lately? How did you decide which direction to go?